Poetry Friday -- this is not what i wanted

this is not what i wanted.i wanted to love you in the dark,my hands busy on your body as birds' wings.i wanted to kiss your breast as a pilgrim would kiss a relic of a saint,to poke my nose into your pubic hair like a puppy sniffing for something interesting in the grass.i wanted to sleep beside you untroubled by old loneliness,needing fewer blankets in the winter because your body gave off such